mama rants....

A little on motherhood, thus far.....

I know, I know. This blog is suppose to be all about Max, my perfect little monster.  However, as of late I am finding myself more and more contemplative.  You know, about life, marriage, friendship and of course motherhood.  I thought maybe (and we will see how long this last) I could incorporate some of my own ideas or concerns on said subject matter.  I apologize in advance if it comes out jumbled and random, as that is how my brain seems to work these days.

I am coming up on a year of motherhood and it has flown by.  I remember hearing that, actually everyone says it, but it doesn't ring as true till you experience it.  I can't believe that a year ago today I was as big as a house and impatiently waiting for Max's arrival. And now, as I write, he is screaming at the top of his little lungs, in his crib refusing to go to bed.  Little ironic, dontcha think?

I must admit, I imagined my life a tad bit more chaotic and filled with panic and frustration.  I saw myself un kept, rarely showered and a hot mess.  I painted a pretty picture of motherhood hadn't I?  But it is true.  I wandering through my late twenties petrified of motherhood.  Did I want to be a mother, would I be a mother or better yet, would I be a good mother?  I searched book stores for enlightenment and was quite surprised at the lack of literature around this subject.  (I even swore I would write my own book....one day) Anyways, my decision to have a baby was filled with fear.  Fear of the unknown, fear of regret, and fear of work.  So, when I say I imagined my life chaotic, I truly envisioned that. Oddly, I decided to take the plunge anyways.

Thankfully, motherhood has proven to be the opposite.  Don't get me wrong, my sweet little monster totally tests my patience.  Like when he tugs at my legs while I wash the dishes making this awful moaning sound because he is bored, hungry or whatever. Or how some days I wish I could just sleep for 24 hours straight.  Or wait, one more, how about when we are out at a store and he starts to lose his shit because he wants to runs around.........but even that, that is way easier than I had anticipated.  Guess expecting the worse has worked out in my favor.  More to come on this subject for sure.....