Ever have one of those days?

You know those days, right?  Where you have nothing in your closet, and you have been gifted two new pimples on your face, your hair is lack luster and has been so since giving birth, and since the winter you have put on enough weight to make all the clothes you don't have fit too tight!

Ugh.  Hate these days.  And I feel silly for complaining about such trivial bullshit, but damn, it can be a mind suck some times.  I swear my inner dialog can be so negative.  She's a bully and quite frankly bitchy.  I've tried all the positive affirmations and stuff, but it doesn't really help when your muffin top is fighting for air.  I don't care how many times you tell your self in the mirror how awesome you are, the muffin top doesn't lie.

What do I do to combat this?  Beside bury my head in the sand with Kit Kat bar?  Well, I try to tell myself that this too will pass, and I tell myself to stop eating crap that comes in packaging that doesn't ever expire.

So March is being renamed; March Madness.  Time to get off the pity wagon and back on the healthy wagon.  I am finally starting to feel less sick and think in about a week I can restart Baby Boot Camp.  I feel so much better when I get out an exercise.  I am also going to start drinking "green juice" everyday.  I do believe in the power of juicing.  It's wonderful and produces amazing results.  Look into it if you haven't already.  And I am slowly trying to eliminate ultra processed foods from my diet.  MSG, fillers, salts need to be at a minimum.  Not to say I won't indulge in Pho and ramen from time to time, but, you get what I mean.

I am looking forward to March Madness.  Why wait till March, March fourth to be exact?  Well like any good procrastinator, we like to set a future date for "getting things done".  I like starting things on a Monday, or the first of the month.  It feels like I am setting myself up for success.  Or, it just sounds good.  Either way, wish me luck.

~mama

Currently {a link up}

Visiting, Working, Creating, Loving, Missing

Here is what we are up to "currently".  Like I mentioned before, go check out Harvesting Kale. They are the parents of this link up.

Max and I are currently visiting and exploring places all over Seattle. He is so steady on his feet now I like to take him on walks in our neighborhood.  There is always tons of construction going on so he is mesmerized by all the big trucks and sounds.  He also loves looking up at the sky to see planes and helicopters.  To be young again.

Max and I are working on limits and patience.  Max on limits and me on patience.  He is throwing his pint sized tantrums all the time now, demanding independence and control.  He is loving the word No more and more and constantly gives me an ear full.  I am working on walking away, and trying not to laugh when he flails his body on the ground.

Max and I are creating some art.  He is getting into coloring now.  I bought him so toddler friendly, washable crayons and a Cars coloring book.  He is far more interested in the pictures than coloring them, but I figured that will change.  I am trying to create more arty pictures, but that will always be a work in progress.

Max and I are loving each other.  He is slowing starting to give me more kisses (although he is just giving me his head to kiss rather than his lips, stinker), and he is giving hugs as well.  Nothing better than getting a tight squeeze from your monster.

Max doesn't appear to be missing anyone or thing right now?  He does call out for Stella, our neighbor friend.  "Lela, Lela" I think he must miss her when she is away.  Too sweet.  Right now I am missing the sunshine, and my weekly txt messages from Sharon. 

Yeah you!

Some times you just need to hear that. 

 I don't like to admit this, but from time to time, I need a freaking pat on the back.  You know, to hear, "job well done".  Who doesn't like to hear they are doing a good job?  The problem is, we get way to comfortable in what is it that we do and we just start taking shiz for granted.  Like having a hot meal prepared for you when you get home.  Or a clean kitchen.  Or a clean child even.  If it's done day in and day out, you start to expect it.  And you know what that does?  Breeds resentment.  Does it sound as is if I am speaking from experience?  Highly possible. 

 But it does go both ways.  Do I thank the hubby every month for paying the electric, or insurance?  Filling the tank?  No.  Not every month.  And like he says, he gets to buy the thankless stuff.  And he is right. But for some reason, my work, a mothers work seems much bigger, and far more important than GAS!  

But does this thought process get me anywhere? Not really.  Grumpy I suppose.  So instead of letting these feelings fester up in me, I take a moment and figure out how I can talk to the hubby about my needs, and wants and try my hardest to not let it come out as if I am nagging or belittling what he does do.  Because he does do a lot.  

But some times a mama needs to hear it.  And maybe even every day.  But damn it, as my hubby puts it, I am the freakin' CEO of the house and that title demands some respect!!!

~mama

Thank you Seattle

Seattle gave us a sunny day! 

And we Thank you for it!

look!

well hello there...

puddles!

splash splash

wait, I dropped something

truth hurts

Source-babble

Did you hear about the couple in Washington that was giving a $4 discount for having a well behaved child?

Not too sure how I feel about that?  I mean is it always under a parents control how a toddler will act?  I mean you can only threaten punishment so loudly....

But seriously.  You could be at dinner, having a good ol' time and all of the sudden your toddler burns it tongue, or gets a tummy ache. Can you as a parent be blamed or judged for that if your child starts screaming?

Well yeah.  We can.  And I have been part of the 44% many of time.

Will that stop me from bringing my monster to a restaurant? I think not.  I try to come prepared.  Cars, crayons, iphone and fruit or raisins.  That combo usually allows me just enough time to scarf down my dinner.  I win!  I refuse to stay hostage at my home.  Of course I say this now.  The monster hasn't quite hit his terrible twos.

Currently-a link up

So I have done this a few times.  I like it.  I like her themes.  Pulls me out of my head a bit.

Any ways, I take direction from Harvesting Kale.  She posts the themes, and I willingly follow.  Go check her out. Super cute blog.

THIS WEEKS THEMES: 

TAKING, GIVING, TEACHING, LEARNING, LOOKING

Max is taking his sweet time wanting to get his diaper changed.  As if all of a sudden it was open for discussion.  He is also always wanting to take a toy with us when we leave the house, kind of cute.

Max is also giving his mama hugs and kisses.  Not usually when I ask, but beggars can't be choosers.  He is also giving his mama a lot of tude, as in attitude.  "No" seems to be his favorite word.  Although I am starting to appreciate it because at least I know when he doesn't want something.

Max is teaching his daddy how to be a master contractor.  When Daddy is hammering away on the door or what ever project his has going, Max lines himself right beside him to help out.

Max is learning so much.  He is starting to pick up crayons to color, he is leaning more words, like "love you".  He has also learned how to knock on doors, all doors.

Max is looking in the sky now.  He is amazed my airplanes and always points to them.

I am taking Mucinex, NyQuil, Aleve and Ricolas to soothe and heal my cold.  Which I have had for three months now.  Not happy!

I am giving myself a break.  Some mama time.  Peace time if you will.

I am teaching myself about healthy eating and juicing.  How to be and let my family be the best they can be.  I recommend, Hungry for Change, and Sick, Fat and Nearly Dead.  Good documentaries.

I am learning about how to be a better sister, friend, wife and mama.  

I am looking forward to a weekend at the cabin with some friends, looking forward to the California sunshine, and looking forward to feeling better.

Batman!

Ridiculously handsome....I mean seriously!

we're gonna hafta pass...

Well its been almost a week since our first day at Preschool.  Like I mentioned before, I wasn't sure how it sat with me.  Now I have nothing to compare it to, but it didn't hit that warm fuzzy button I was banking on.  The teachers, if they could be called that weren't the most friendly or engaging, and the house did feel like a preschool, it felt more like someones home with a kids kitchen and table in the middle.  And then there was that funny smell....right? Odd.

So I am will willing to over look my own pre-conceived notions on what a school should be or entail. I was even willing to give it another go and try to communicate with teachers more.  But the final decision maker for me was that I never got a follow up email or call regarding our first day.  No, "how did you like it?"  Or "how do you think Max did?" "Any questions?"  Nothing.  SO either they are just so laxed that they don't follow up with new parents, or they are just too busy to keep track of what is going on. Either way, I don't feel comfortable leaving my monster in a place that is overly lackadaisical or so busy that they can't send an email.

Am I disappointed?  A little.  I was excited for this new chapter in Max's development. I envisioned him coming home with little art projects and such.  But all in good time.  No need to rush.  I will revisit it again after he turns two, and only if it feels right.

Any other stories like this out there?

The preschool conundrum

I really had no idea how many layers finding a little ol' preschool would have.  I remember before I had a little monster, I would hear other parents talk about schooling, and unschooling, Co-Op's, teaching philosophies, and tuition. I thought, damn....all this for preschool?  I mean lets be real.  Max's big accomplishment this week was sticking his finger in his nose, and then consequence mine.  Is he really ready for "school".

Well I knew I had no knowledge so I, myself needed some schooling on this subject.  I attended a preschool open house where about 20 preschools in the area gathered together to be judge by us parents.  I sort of walked around blindly, introducing myself.  Max I found was a few months shy of being able to enroll, unless for a Co-Op.  I decided that a Co-Op wasn't for us just because we spend so much time in California.  It would be too hard on the class since it is very depended on parent participation.  Which I welcome, but would hate to leave them in a bind when we had to go.  So next would be a drop of center.  I finally found one that welcomed his age group, that would take him one day a week and was half a day.  WIN! It was exactly what I was looking for.  The price wasn't too bad, and it followed the Waldorf curriculum.  Which is mostly play based.

The big day arrived and I drove up to the preschool.  It was in a house, which I knew going in and was open too.   I envisioned a warm and fuzzy environment.  Once the door was opened I got a funny smell.  Not too sure it was urine or food?  Either way, it was a mental flag.  We walked in and there was two teachers, and one parent hanging in the living room.  There were also four kids included Max. Max went right into playing, which I loved.  The first real impression was, wow, its super quiet here.  No one was talking.  No music.  No crying.  Little weird.  SO after about an hour, I was SO bored.  This is when snack time started.  Max and I's favorite time.  The teacher mentioned to me that this was a good transition time if I wanted to slip out.  I hadn't really thought about leaving him today, but I guess today was as good as any.  He was doing really good, so I thought why not.

I was gone for two hours.  I returned and we was eating lunch.  A completely organic and vegetarian lunch which was cool with me.  He was eating it all up.  When he saw me his little voice squealed "mama, mama".  My heart bursted inside.  Then his grubby little fingers gave me a big hug.

They told me that he did great.  That he was sad for about 10 minutes after I left but was otherwise fine.  I was glad to hear all this and he looked otherwise unscathed.  Of course when I left the room to go to the restroom he completely fell apart.  Oh the drama!  I packed up our stuff, said Thank you and we were off.

As I got into the car I was actually left with a lot of questions.  Like what was the next step?  Do I sign a contract or "in case of an emergency" thingy?  It was all so laxed that I hadn't thought of these things while inside.  I got that feeling.....I think I am gonna have to think on this a little more.

I will write more about that tomorrow.

shhhhhhh...........

I am finishing my second bowl of cinnamon toast crunch cereal, listening to Adele in the back ground, and taking in this moment of quiet.  All by myself.  That's right, alone.  Single, solitary, solo, stag.
A-LONE!

How did I score this?  Have I locked my family in the bathroom so that I could get a moment of solitude?  Not quite.  But not a a bad idea either.  Actually a perfect little opportunity presented it's self this weekend.  Our friends the S's were headed out of town and needed some one to watch their beloved pet.  Of course we offered because that is what friends do. But then the pot got a little sweeter as my brain crossed over onto the dark side.....Wait a minute I thought.  Instead of watching Brooklyn at our house, I could just watch her, at HER house......by myself.  You know, stay the night even, to ensure her utmost comfort and safety.  Did I mention...BY MYSELF.

My hubby graciously agreed that I did indeed need a "break".  Considering I can't seem to kick this almost 90 day cough that has now decided its going to kill me.  Seriously, I now have horrible rib pain from the coughing and vomiting.  I suppose the hubby had some pity on me.

So Alas, I am typing away, slurping my cinnamon flavored milk, in silence.

Such a foreign concept in my life right now, but I am trying to embrace it.

NEXT DAY-

Feels so weird not to be woken up.

Now I need to be clear.  It's not like I needed to get away, or that I feel so overworked or overwhelmed by life.  Its just that these sweet opportunities don't occur often, and I know when to cash those in.

At first I have to admit, I was nervous I would be bored.  And I did suffer from a little mama guilt.  But that changed pretty quickly.  I drank a few lattes, curled up on their couch with a nice blanket and watched one documentary after another.  I was actually saddened at how fast time flee by.

I think the one thing as parents we take for granted is silence, quiet.  I mean, you will get some after the monsters go to sleep or during nap, but usually your brain is still to busy to fully turn off.  But real silence, real quiet-the kind that happens when you have nothing on your plate.  That sort of bliss happens very rarely, but when it does......its wonderful!

fabulous machine! Makes a perfect latte

not a bad view for a walk

got to watch my all time favorite movie

provisions for the weekend...don't judge

Coffee break

Sometimes I just love living downtown. When else would I be able to grab my neighbor from down the hall, and walk two blocks to a Starbucks for breakfast? We didn't even have to get out of our PJ's.

Loot

I had a much needed bestie day this weekend. We started nice and early, for her anyways. By the time she got me, I had fed the Monster, changed two diapers and watched multiple episodes of Caillou. All while slapping on some make up and some skinny jeans.

We had some sushi for lunch, meandered in and out of stores, ( I'm looking for the perfect jean, and was not successful), frank coffee and bought some new shelac for my face. Pretty successful!

We ended the day at my house, order pizza and drank too much soda. I don't even think we turned on the TV.

Sometimes that's all you need to regroup. A little girl time. Laughing about how our asses have gotten bigger, our bullshit tolerance has gotten lower and how our friendship just keeps getting stronger!

Hope all you mama's out there are getting your bestie time in!

olympic future?

What do you think?  Think he has a future in gymnastics?  I mean look at the way he grips those rings. Champion written all over him.

foam pit 

Max has gone to the gymnastic open play a few times and each time he gets braver and braver.  I love watching him run around laughing and smiling.  I also love the idea of him taking a nice long nap afterwards!

Win, win!

Whose a ham?

Max finally had his 18 month visit, only a month late.  But who is counting.  His height is in the 40% (what you get for having a short Asian mom).  Weight is in the 70% and Head circumference, well that remains to be in the 100%.  Man, I hope he grows into that head.  Still damn cute to me though, I mean look at him!!!

He is saying a lot of words now and will mimic what you say. (gotta curb that potty mouth of mine).  He will say love you, when I do.  It is the sweetest thing.  He also says cracker, boat, bee, lela (for Stella, his friend), keys, hoo hoo for owls, bite, shoes, "oh no", up, help, and of course CAILOU!

He is wanting to walk everywhere so I try to leave the stroller at home.  He is learning how to jump, and really wants to walk stairs with mama's help.  He laughs all the time, and it totally cracks me up.  He loves to hug mama, and that melts my heart.

He's also super, super clingy right now.  I can barely go to the bathroom with out him shouting, "mama, mama?" Mostly cute, but a little annoying.  I know it is just a phase so I try to embrace it, cause soon I know he will want nothing to do with me.

Caillou

Not sure if y'all are familiar with the good ol' Caillou, but it's like crack in this household. From the wee hours in the morning, all the way till getting dressed for bed I hear, Caillou, Caillou. Some times the inflection changes too as if I didn't quite hear him the first time. Caiiiiiillllloooouuu? Caíllóuuu?

Many of my friends with children single handedly blame me for introducing this ray of light into their world. I don't really know the harm done? I mean Caillou is like the best babysitter in the world. Nothing puts them in a trance like state faster than this bald headed cry baby. For that I will always be grateful.

Now I am sort of kidding when I call Caillou a babysitter. I do, like any "good" parent try to limit his TV consumption. But I tell ya, when the need is there, I praise that dear ol' Caillou.

I found this article the other day and had a little chuckle. For any of you that have also had the pleasure of this little boy entering your home, you are welcome.

7 LESSONS TO BE LEARNED FROM CAILLOU

From Scary Mommy contributor, Stephanie Jankowski

For those of you not yet familiar with the mind-numbing Sprout television show Caillou, quit bragging, you lucky a-holes. My daughter can barely put a sentence together, but she can screech “MORE CAILLOU!” at volume 60 in three different languages.

To quote Charlie from How to be a Dad, “For those who don’t have a permanent black mark on their souls from watching Caillou, it’s a cartoon show centered around an insipid four-year old Canadian kid with a sister named Rosie, two parents without any recognizable personality traits and a cat named Gilbert… We follow this pseudo-Charlie-Brown as he whines, kvetches, barks orders at people, hurts himself, throws tantrums, causes trouble and generally shares his self-centered, pathetic, purposeless outlook on life to thousands of kids all over the world.”

OK, fine.

Even though this Canadian toddler is the epitome of aggravation with his whiny voice, obnoxious giggle, and incessant pouting, I think we as parents are failing to acknowledge the power that is Caillou. On the surface, the show appears to glorify a spoiled brat and his Ginger sister, but peel back the layers, dear readers, and uncover the invaluable life lessons within…

1. Drugs Are Bad. Constant snacking and a lesson in tie-dying? Someone’s been taking hits from the bong and it’s Caillou’s Grandma. This pothead Granny illustrates the negative influence of drugs through her overzealous narration (CAILLOU WAS FEELING VERY FRUSTRATED! WEEEEE!!!!) and by allowing wild birds to peck at her in the park. Just say no, kids.

2. Accessorizing the Home. Caillou’s house is an acid trip gone wrong (and, I think, to blame for his childhood baldness). With a daily dosage of Caillou, kids are sure to opt for home décor that is both aesthetically pleasing and soothing to the soul. Accessorizing rule of thumb: when in doubt, choose earth tones over a-rainbow-took-a-shit-in-the-playroom tones.

3. Stay in School. Poor Ms. Martin. If she wanted to be a real teacher, she should have taken college a little more seriously. Now she’s stuck working as a glorified babysitter, taking Caillou and crew on nature walks to find pine cones and raccoon crap. She deserves it for wearing overalls after 1985.

4. The Dangers of Child Luring. With creepy neighbor Mr. Hinkle as Exhibit A, young children will learn to recognize the signs of child luring and pedophilia. “No, Mr. Hinkle, we do not want to visit your ‘sister’s farm’ and ‘milk some cows.’” Perv.

5. Affordable Health Care. Mommy rarely loses her shit on her demon spawn; in fact, she’s usually humming to herself or peacefully reading on the couch while her kids play in the street. Caillou teaches children the direct correlation between accessibility to Prozac and successful parenting.

6. Equality. Caillou’s pals hail from wide-ranging backgrounds which acclimates his young audience to different races and religions. And nothin’ screams genuine ethnic diversity like a black kid playing the tuba or a red-headed Jew. I got 99 problems, but Mazel Tov, son.

7. The Importance of Personal Hygiene. Daddy needs a haircut. Caillou needs a wig. Mommy needs to get off of her frumpy ass and make the iron her friend. And Grandpa needs a new diaper; he soiled himself three episodes ago, but Grandma has been too stoned to notice. After witnessing this hot mess of characters, children will be begging to brush their teeth.

If the aforementioned lessons aren’t enough, let us not forget the most beneficial side effect of Caillou: Kids in a TV coma for 25 minutes. Can’t beat that.

Death and Dying

So as I mentioned before, I was in Alaska this past week saying goodbye to a dear friend.  Her name was Sharon.  I met her when I was about 13 years old.  She was the mother of one of my best friends.

To know Sharon, was to love Sharon.  She had this amazing quality of making you feel special, and her hugs were the warmest, tightest hugs out there.  And her smell...Her smell was of home.  I loved the way that woman smelt.  Her house, no matter where she lived smelt like her.  When ever I walked in I would take a deep, deep breath as if to capture her essence.  Her energy.

Sharon was sick from the moment I met her.  I remember going to her home shortly after my mother died and overhearing her telling someone how she feared for Dawn because she knew her time was limited too.  That was 23 years ago.  And man did she fight!

Although Sharon was my friend's mother, I always considered her my friend as well.  She often confided in me about things that were stressing her out, or wanting to bounce things off me to get my opinion.  We often talked of her children, and her all consuming love for them.  She always wanted to do better for them.  Love them better, prepare them better, know them better.

And she was most definitely like a mother to me.  She constantly reassured me that I was on the right path, that Motherhood would be amazing, and that my own mother would be proud of the woman I had become.

My fondness memories, aside from her smell was her laugh.  She had a great laugh, a great sense of humor and a great spirit.  She was always positive, even when things were crashing around her.  She always tried to find the silver lining.  I loved that about her and I believe it is what kept her alive for so much longer than doctors anticipated.  She always searching for knowledge too.  How to be a better partner, a better friend, a better human.  Just looking at her book collection you can see what mattered to her and how she wanted to live her life.

She is for sure an inspiration on how I want to live my life and I wish so badly that I could still talk with that woman.  Its the shitty thing about death.  The finality of it.  How we can only hold on to the memories of once was and even that begins to fade.

As I left her house Saturday night I was over come with sadness knowing that this is the last time I will enter her home, smell her smell and walk into her warm arms again.  And I HATE that.  But I will hold on to the memories, the pictures I have and the collection of things she has gifted me over the years.  There isn't a day that goes by that I am not reminded of her and her presence on this earth.

I will miss you Sharon!

fishes....

 A few Saturdays ago, the hubby and I had family day.  I bought  a Groupon to the aquarium.  What would of normally cost $32.00, cost us $24.  Sweet deal!

Max has finally gotten to the age where he is now excited by fish, and water, and things that move.  Before he could care less.  But this day he was all, oHHHH WOW! and COOL!  We loved seeing all that excitement on his face.

and just a little more Anchor-town

I wasn't able to snap too many shots while in Anchorage, but I managed a few.  I haven't really taken many photos at all actually.  I've lost some motivation in that area.  I need to regroup and get back out there.  I need some damn inspiration.  Max can't be my only muse...its too much pressure on a young kid.

grandparents

sunrise at 9am

sky bridge, Max loved the cars

Big foot, and little foot

fishy eye

tortuga