meet maxwell: TapOut!

I feel for single mamas and applaud the fact that their heads don't explode. Since we have been back from Panama, the hubby has been in California tending to business. This happens occasionally where he is gone for 12 days, but for some reason, these 12 days are seemingly lasting F.O.R.E.V.E.R

I read on Facebook today an apology from a mom who had a bad day and was less than a stellar parent. She apologized for lack of patience and grace. Her apology resonated with me. I had that day today as well. Where I yelled a little to loud and my gaze was just a little too harsh.

But we are embarking on three people! Three, where they start to test you. Your strength, your follow through. Your will to live. Like they know exactly where to go and poke you to make you explode. Too many days like this and I am ready to climb in a cave. I keep looking at my watch. Is it 8:00pm yet?

But then I feel horrible. That awful parent guilt that is almost worse than the initial poke you received from the monster. But this is what I think happens to parents when they don't have that break, that time to themselves where they are not answering questions, feeding food that doesn't getting eaten, changing diapers and clothes while trying to defuse the tantrum that is ensuing as you are doing so. Pleasant stuff I tell ya.

But back to my original sentence. I feel for single mothers. Those who don't have a constant partner in the ring. Someone they can tapout with. Some one you trust. Where you can leave/run out of your house, as fast as you can to grab a drink or perspective. My mother was one of these mothers, and I can tell you I didn't make it any easier on her. And sadly for us, we have no idea what sacrifice they gave until we are fighting the same battle ourselves.

But of course with the bad, comes the awesome. The moments I hear him talking in his room to his cars, or Ozzie, repeating the same phrases I use with him daily. "I know honey" is the one he is using a lot these days. It kills me every time I hear it. I think he has little idea of the context, which makes it even more wonderful to hear. Sweeter even, if that is possible.

So, as I go to bed tonight, I too, like the Facebook mama, will wish for a better day tomorrow. Where I can be better, more solid, and a champion for my son. Every day is a test, I just hope I can slide through it without to many ripples.