Wednesday, September 17, 2014

three little tests...

You know what isn't 'fun?  A poke in the eye.  Yeah, that isn't really fun. Food sickness?  Equally not as fun.  But I have another one....talking to your Doctor about infertility.  Ugh.  That dreaded horrid word.  Typing it makes my stomach knot up.  And that my friends, IS NOT FUN.

Sitting there with my doctor whom I respect, but doesn't really have that bed side manner you're looking for gave it to me straight.  No chaser.  And it burned going down.  Time for testing.

Our "story"? Not unusual.  Late 30's couple who has a wonderful spirited three year old.  Healthy, non-smokers, pseudo exercise enthusiast, heavy cream-baked good lovers looking to expand their ever so lovely family for a second time. 10 months later-no dice.  And it is in the water people.  Everyone and their mother is pregnant right now, and trust me I am drinking their water.  But yet, no luck.  I've try visualization, realization, mediation and relaxation.  I've tried accupuncture, belly laughs with girlfriends, psychics and "not thinking" about it too much.  Do not scare the ovary!!!  So I think you can say, I've tried.

So "d" day came. Along with the list of questions from the expert.  As she listed the tests I would need to take to get a look see into what was going on I felt a pang of guilt.  I don't need to do this, I thought.  We are fine. I am fine.  Don't get greedy.  You are blessed with a lot already.  Of course I pushed that aside.  But it was there, along with a ton of other icky feelings.  Embarasslingly, I had to ask my doctor to repeat herself multiple times.  It just wasn't sinking in.  She did however graciously tell me she was printing it out for me.  So sweet of her.

So now.  Now I wait.  I schedule my first round of tests in about two weeks.  Just so we can make sure I am not currently pregnant.  Wouldn't that be fantastic! How I would love that little surprise.  But, I am prepared for October.  For when I get some answers, even if they aren't what I want to hear.

I am not making anymore decisions expect to go forward with these three tests.  My brain can't handle anything more.  No what if's, or how far.  Just these three tests.

Wish me luck....

1 comment:

  1. Sending you hugs, my friend. This has got to be tough. I'm hoping answers will help!