Quiet time is interesting. Tonight I am home alone. All is, well, quiet. All is still. And instead of basking in my short run of freedom, I am sad. I am lonely. I am too consumed with thoughts that are usually silenced by a wonderfully demanding toddler. It's one main thought really. As my boy turned three today, I am over come with the notion that I may never have another. Another newborn to smell or snuggle. Another baby to swaddle or nurse. To experience milestones with or pick up when they fall down. I know I have more of these to experience with my monster, but when the idea that it may not happen again is upon you.....well, the silence is deafening.
So far its only been 6 months of trying. But six months feels like a life time now. And I know there are some that know exactly what I am talking about. I see all these full bellies around me, swollen and lovely. I can't wait to join that club again. Even thought I know what it will entail. Months of morning sickness and exhaustion. But I also know what the end will result in. A perfect little baby that I can devour and whisper endless lullabies too. Three years ago I wouldn't of imagined wanting another one so badly. Five years ago I didn't even know if motherhood was even something I wanted. It's so interesting how life changes, and changes you. I now know that I am meant to be a mother and that it is and will be the greatest thing I do.
I know you are out there, waiting for your mama, come home little one, come home!