My last post on this topic was some months ago. Number one or Number two? Where I mentioned that the hubby isn't really on board for having another offspring. As he put it, he was 90/10. 90% being no. Pretty painful to hear and pretty awful to consider.
Well, since then I have gently played around with the idea. Dropping little cute "sprinkles" of what baby number two would be like. And I thought it was working, my creative technique. I had even started imagining what it would be like, siblings screaming at each other, pulling each others hair etc. And I thought he was coming more on board when he put Max's baby swing in the garage and didn't have me sell it. Right???
Sadly, when I was "sprinkling" the other night, he stopped me and repeated those words I tried to erase from my mind. "I just don't know if I have it in me to have another kid". Ouch. Like a knife in the uterus.
I instantly got quiet. And not in a punishment sort of way, but more out of shock...and fear. Fear that my perfect little family wouldn't be as large as I had hoped.
Like I have mentioned before, the hubby and I weren't 100% sold on procreating in the first place. We had actually even said out loud that we wouldn't have kids. We had far better things to do, lol. But then my clock hit, more like a tap, but it couldn't be ignored. I was able to convince the hubby and paint a pretty picture of sleep-full nights, and a cooperative baby. But now he is far to aware of what it takes, and its scares him. I can't fault him for that.
But what do I do? My body, and heart are beginning to yearn for another. And not because I am baby crazy, but because I am family crazy. I have this perfect little family right now and why wouldn't I want it to grow.
I am trying to meet the hubby where he is at. I listen and I share in his fears. I gently explain my craziness as to why I want to go through all "that" again. And simple put it is because I feel that we as parents have the privileged to raise and love our children. We are able to spend a 18 short years with them before they run away and build a life of their own. And with that said, I want to enjoy this experience with no regrets and to the fullest of our potential.
The saga continues.......until the next conversation.