Thursday, November 1, 2012

baby kryptonite

source:google images
Today I felt like an asshole.  Do you ever have those days?  Like you know you need to calm the F@#k down, but you just can't.  Well I mean you can, but its really really hard.

I'd like to think I am typically a calm and even tempered person.  I don't usually lose my temper or yell, but if I do.....my buttons have been long passed pushed.

These last two days have been testing my sanity.  I am not sure what it is about Max's new screaming fits.  It's as if he can reach an octave that paralyzes my body. Like baby kryptonite.  It mentally brings me to my knees.  I caught myself twice yelling "cut it out" to Max.  And then immediately after feeling like a horrible mother.  I finally had to pull a Charlotte.  (Have you seen Sex and the City Two? Then you know what I am talking about.) I literally had to take a moment and hide.  But once I was in the bathroom, I was now what.  I can't hide in here forever.

I had to remind myself that he was probably acting out because he was either hungry, tired, thirsty, wet or bored.  Going down the list I figured out he was just bored.  We hopped in the car and went to a park.  Although he was happier, every time I redirected him, or saved his life from becoming concrete mush he'd belt out that scream.  As if I was pulling his toe nails off.

I had to take a LOT of deep breaths.  I kept telling the hubby that Max was trying to kill his mama.


OMMMMM, deep breath, OMMMMMM

Nothing can really sooth my mood.  No wine, no venting.  Just a bed and hopes that tomorrow brings some peace, and maybe a muzzle.  I am kidding of course.

And to think I wanna bring another lil monster in to the  mix.  I must of lost my damn mind.


6 comments:

  1. Oh yes! I know the scream all to well. You did the right thing by giving yourself a moment to get away! Sometimes you just have to get away even for a moment. :) Hope you have a better day!

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    1. Thank you Tori. It has been some what better today. At least I had dad to tag team with me today!

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  2. LOL! I hear ya. Oh, a muzzle - great idea! I kid I kid..don't worry, by the time you do have a second baby - you'll have desensitized yourself enough to tune out the whining and screaming from both kids ;) - just kidding, sort of.

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    1. Can u guarentee that I will be sensitized lol?
      If not, I'm sending them your way!

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  3. That scream cuts right to your core. I think it's designed to. And, your right, there's nowhere to hide. Thank you for your honesty. It's brave. Know that you are not alone!!

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    1. Thank u Rachel for saying that!!! And it does cut through the core doesn't it!

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