So I wrote this post weeks ago. Guess you can tell where my mind was at. Just an update...I am feeling better and more connected with my ladies. But it just goes to show how much changes when your life, well, changes.
Now that I have a year and a half under my belt, insecurities are starting to seep in. Not in terms of being a good mom or anything, but more about being a good friend. My life of course has changed immensely in the past 18 months. Nothing really is as it was. And I love it. However, the one thing that most new parents warn you about is how your friendships will change. Mostly with the ones who don't have kids.
My hubby, as sensitive and loving as he is, immediately told me I was probably going to lose all my friend's once I had a baby. I scoffed at him. He clearly did not know MY ladies. Thick as thieves we are. And no pint sized, poop factory, cute as button baby was going to change that. And for the most part it hasn't. But then he had to say.....well it doesn't seem like you see them as much. DoH!
But as I looked in my calender to see what activities I had scheduled for the week, I realized maybe he was right. Was this a coincidence? Not too sure. Lets see.....
I reminded myself that it is #1. It's December, the busiest month of the year. #2. Most of my friends work in the day. And, #3. what was the other reason.......?
Oh that's right. I am no fun.
This is where my insecurities seeped in. I am no fun? Its not about happy hours any more, or getting a bite to eat and talking with out interruption. Oh no, that ship has sailed. I can imagine how frustrating it is to have a conversation with me. I get lost talking to myself, let alone talking with another human.
I mentioned this to my bestie. And bless her heart she went immediately into questioning her own abilities as a friend and auntie to Max. But really it wasn't about her, as it was about me? Trying to cling to a social life I once had, and trying to make my new life fit into that other puzzle. Or maybe mourning the fact that my friends, who are very busy don't really want to spend the day at the zoo where they might get 30% of my attention. I can't blame them. Even if they don't say so, its a hard transition.
I never read a Girlfriend's guide to Pregnancy. I wonder if this was addressed?
But enough ranting. Like most things, my insecurities ebb and flow. After talking with my bestie, I feel better. Not so isolated or quarantined. Just a mama, navigating this new role, that I come to love more and more everyday. So ladies if you are reading, get out those umbrellas, we have zoo's to attended and parks to be explored! Whoo HOO! Don't worry I will bring the tumbler of wine.